Part 1: Meet Leeroy
When I think of myself, I see a well-dressed, middle-aged husband in a single-serving American home, not unlike yourself. I have two single-serving American kids and a single-serving American wife. I've only cheated on this wife a couple of times, but those women were even worse. More like appetizers, or something.
That was a long time ago.
If I were to look in a mirror, I would see the disheveled face of someone who has lost everything except for a slew of ideas. Or perhaps I have lost it because of this slew of ideas. Whatever. I am now completely naked with a full-grown beard, and am camped out in the playground, scaring off the kids. Any minute, a cop could roll up and say, "Sir, please quit flogging your dong in front of these kids." Or, they'll say, "What a sick individual! You disgust me! Get in the car!" These people pretend these kids have never seen a porno, or seen their dad's schlong. They pretend they're growing up in a perfectly average neighborhood with perfectly average parents. They make good grades, or if they don't, they're probably "exceptionally challenged."
Oh my medium-sized American heart.
I have nowhere to go, thanks to my decisions. I wanted to "start over." I had "hit rock bottom." So I went to my most basic, and became a nudist. Lived like a dog. I am living like a dog, actually. In fact, I tried to stay at the animal shelter, and the owners were cool with that. So cool. They were cool with that until I started "cleaning myself." That's what they called it, like I'm some kind of dog. I most certainly was not cleaning myself. Regardless, they kicked me out. Maybe I should have tried the strip club ("I am nothing. Save me.").
But I can't do that. She wouldn't like that. I need to pick up the pieces, and find myself. Clean up, and put myself back together. You know, "put my self back on the market."
Ugh. I'm getting too young to do this.
"As he passed through his apartment on the way to the kitchen, something outside caught his eye. He went to the window and peered out. On the playground below, he could make out a man, fully grown, swinging on the swing set. The man appeared to be completely naked. Remus went to his door and checked the lock. Satisfied, he put his glass up and went to bed."
ReplyDelete"What in the world is he doing.... is he.... eww... really.... oh my god he is going to scar those poor little children... that must be that creeper Leeroy Jenkins that the tenets were telling me about. Wow that disgusting thoes little children cant even play on the playground with out him ruining it."
ReplyDeleteWell, nobody elses problems are as big and important as you are, or so it seems to humans. Your own self interest dominates over others. Koraki explained, ruffling his feathers. Take for example that man down there. I followed his line of sight and saw a naked man sitting in the childrens playground across the street. Once someone sees him, they judge him for being the way he is. Nobody stops to wonder what he went through to get there or what hardships he has faced. All they know is that he is an inconvinence to them.
ReplyDelete"I never thought about it like that. We humans are rather selfish creatures aren't we?" I asked.
There, sitting on a swing, minding his own business was a man. That was all well and fine. It's a free country. You may sit on a swing if you like. However, this particular man was wearing nothing. He was just sitting on a swing. In a playground. Wearing nothing. I turned on my heels and bolted for the closest building.
ReplyDeleteToday was a terrible day. I didn't feel any hint of the magic that is building inside of me. It must have been that damn dog man, Leeroy Jenkins. He started barking at me and jumping up and down like a monkey as I tried to conjure a white water fairy. I used the Reliquash Sherer spell on him, but it didn't work. I should really get around to recalibrate my staff.
ReplyDeleteBut perhaps I'm not the only misfit of this society...early this day I saw a man butt-naked in public. Quite the sight! I'm not into other men or anything, but I crave seeing somebody in the same extreme of odd. I shouted at the man "THANK GOD FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU!" I don't quite know if he heard or saw me because I had scurried off in a split of a second. Maybe he would understand where I'm coming from.
ReplyDeleteThe world was shrouded in a sort of technicolor hue, and I was excited. Excitement, it was something. I hoped Alien would like the theatre, finds its enormous supply of captured wonder half as intriguing as I did.
ReplyDeleteA man in front of us was enjoying the rained out world as I much I was, just standing there by the old basketball court and letting the rain run down his body.
My eyes widened comically like a blond heroine in the a zombie movie as I realized the naked monster.
"Why isn't he wearing any clothes?" Alien asked.
I guess he likes to shower without his clothes on...in front of the world.
"Let's go somewhere else." I mumbled, jerking the damn kid away.
"Its ok Switch, I won't look, we can still go to the theatre..." She pleaded.
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ReplyDeleteAs Ms. Pigg was running back to her home from the record store she tripped and fell. Nobody stopped by to she if she was ok, so she was pissed and confused. She was pissed because her cd broke in half, and she was confused because nobody stopped by to see if she was ok. Five minutes later after she got up and scrapped the dirt off her legs she started to walk slowly back home. Ms. Pigg notices a guy who is naked on the playground. It was one of the weirdest things Ms. Pigg has ever seen in her life. The sight was so weird that Ms. Pigg went over to the guy to say hello and ask if he is lost.
ReplyDeleteAs he puffed away on his wooden pipe, Bill noticed a movement in the playground off to his right. As he looked a little more carefully, he noticed the man was copletely nude and swinging from the monkey bars. Bill's hand instictively tightened on the handle of his gun. "The older i grow, it seems, the crazier these damn fools get," he said in a low, irritated grumble.
ReplyDeleteAs I was running, I glanced into the playground area. There sitting on the ground was a nudist. Frowning upon the crudeness of this man I continued on my way.
ReplyDeleteShe'd served the wine to the guests, a Mr. and Mrs. Leeroy Jenkins.
ReplyDeleteI walked down the street toward the playground and noticed a man that was nude and seemed a bit strange. I looked at him with a look of disgust and then I realized I was being just as judgmental as the hypocrites that sit in the pews shouting and hollering at me as if I'm their God. I walked over to the young man and asked his name and he said Leeroy Jenkins. I thought, "You don't hear to many names like that any more." As he sat there looking like a pitiful sad puppy I could tell this guy had been through many trials and tribulations. I believe in being a saint but he couldn't be up to good standing out side with his fiddle hanging out at 5:30 in the morning when the suns down. I politely walked away and told him to take care of himself and left.
ReplyDeleteSveta nudged the stiff cat with her big toe. "Глупый жира ужасно сука!!!!" The old woman spat into the dead cat's face, strenuously crouching over its bulbous body.
ReplyDelete"Ah, I guess it's time to make stew then," thought the Babushka as she gathered her wits, dusted off her skirt, and began to again crouch over, this time in hopes of picking up the dead cat to cradle lovingly back up to the apartment. But as Sveta began to reach out her globular appendages to pick up the late little Putzina, the only friend she'd had for some time, an insane naked man ran past her, scooping up the dead cat in his hairy naked arms.
"FOOD!" The man howled like a wolf and dove into the fountain up the street, causing a flock of pigeons to evacuate, warbling loudly and pooping all over the ground. He looked like a neanderthal. "Несамоходные неприкрытой американских свиньи. Я новых я никогда не должны были перенесены с всех этихобезьяна!" Babushka Svetlana clenched her fists ferociously. Damn hippies.
A gaggle of policemen stormed after the man, scooting to a confused stop as they reached the fountain, only to be assaulted by a thousand flying feathers of the pigeons of Watershed Heights.
I'm not going to let anything ruin this ev-What the FUCK. "What the fuck? There's a fucking naked guy on the swing." Evening is ruined. "Let's head to the car." "OK," she says.
ReplyDeleteNight falls quickly over Watershed Heights; almost as though it wants to get its job done and move on. Nobody wants to spend much time in Watershed Heights; sometimes not even the people who live here.
ReplyDeleteAnd on this particular night, I certainly didn’t want to be here. Königa had gone off to find herself some food and I missed her. She was the only thing keeping me going now… now that Leona was gone. Gone. Forever. Königa was my last hold on her memory. Ever since that night she showed up, the night after Leona fell down the stairs… My fault. Very few things hurt as deeply as knowing that you killed the one you loved.
A trash can fell down with crash.
“Königa?”
My only response was a low chuckle. Then with another crash, Leeroy Jenkins ran off into the night.
I couldn’t help a grin. Leeroy sure was a funny sight, running around with his clothes off. What allows a man to do that? Only someone with nothing to hide would do something so free. I placed my hand on my side and felt the scar underneath. Lucky Leeroy. Anyone who felt bad for him was an idiot. That kind of freedom should only be envied.
From his roof he could see the playground, which, to him, made little sense. He had no idea as to what exactly it was, so he just trusted that it made sense to everyone else around him. There was, however, something that reminded him of home. A scantily-clothed man, well, a man with no clothes, was in the playground. Santoso wondered if he was from a tribe also. Admittedly, he felt weird with all of the clothes he had to now wear, but he knew that had to make a conscious effort to "de-tribal" himself in order to become a part of this new world. This probably meant integrating himself into society more than he currently was doing. He had to learn the language, go inside the big tall things, and find something to eat! His decision was to start the very next day by exploring the town. Who new what he would find... certainly not himself.
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